A lot of people are anxiously waiting by their phones for the latest alerts on the international pandemic to hear if the social distancing requirements are going to be relaxed in time for their wedding. Some couples have been saving for a long time to make their big day perfect, and many have been expecting family and friends from all over the globe to be there to help celebrate their wedding.
There is no magic wand to make Covid-19 go away, but I might have some thoughts to help you decide how to think about the hard decisions you are confronting now. A lot of you are in the process of making some very difficult decisions about your wedding. There are two basic choices you can make if social distancing procedures continue through the summer, or even the fall of 2020; For some, the desire to be married to your loved one and formalise your lives together will be a powerful thing amid so much uncertainty. Modifying your day to include just yourselves, the officiant and witnesses, will be worth it in order to feel the security of the bond. For others, it may even mean you feel comfortable being in quarantine with your loved one for the first time. This option leaves the door open to having a larger celebration at a later date, maybe even using your first anniversary to throw a fantastic party with the original venue, catering, and flowers. For still others, a celebration of your love won’t be worth it unless your larger circle of friends and family can celebrate it with you. This can mean postponing for months, or even years if family members live in far away places. But having the day you dreamed of, and planned for, may be worth waiting to have that ideal moment. You have probably spent a long time deciding on a venue, flowers, decorations, catering, and choosing your outfits. You may even be dealing with financial worries on top of making this decision. Maybe like many people, this pandemic has completely re-arranged your finances and changed what you’re able to do with your wedding. There is no wrong answer but there may not be a perfect solution either. Getting married is a big decisions and weddings, whether small or large, take blood, sweat, and tears to make happen. A literal act of nature such as this pandemic is something most people could predict, and being forced to alter plans can cause a lot of stress and anxiety. It’s important to remember why you embarked on this journey in the first place with the person you’ve chosen. There is no personal failing in any choice you make. You and your partner know what’s best for you and the health and happiness of your family It is probably cold comfort to realise that couples all around the world are asking the same questions right now. Many vendors and other members of the wedding industry are grappling with how this will affect them on the other side too. From florists, to catering and venues: businesses and individuals are struggling to determine how the landscape will change when we emerge from this pandemic. Luckily, celebrating is a part of human nature, and having something strong and beautiful to hold onto and look forward to can make all the difference in the midst of uncertainty. Please be kind to yourselves, to other people, and keep channels of communication open with everyone involved in your wedding: you never know when it could make all the difference to an individual or small business. Whether you choose to cancel, downsize, or delay, your choice should be as unique as your wedding, and reflect your values, hopes, and beliefs. And don’t forget, we really are all in this together.
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You’ve been thinking about it for a while, and now you’ve agreed: let’s do it! And just maybe you’ve told friends and family. If you’ve tested the waters by changing your status on social media, just to see what it would feel like, now everybody knows – even that kid who sat behind you in grade four – the one who would poke you in the neck with his pencil when the teacher wasn’t looking. Even he knows! One of the first questions that will come in after you’ve announced your happy news, and after the congratulations, is when? And then the where, but hopefully not the who and the why. The what is self evident: just check your Facebook page for a reminder. But there are going to be a torrent of questions from others, but also between the two of you. What kind of wedding may be a cherished fantasy from childhood, or from the hairdresser’s magazine collection, or it may be something you are thinking about for the first time in a specific way. Many of us have been to a lot of weddings, while for others it may be a thing seen only in popular culture. Four Weddings and a Funeral. Pride and Prejudice. The Bride of Frankenstein. Maybe you want to save up for a big splash. Maybe you need to make sure Aunt Enid can make it in from Singapore, and the only date she has available is February 29, 2024. Or maybe you want to do a small, intimate affair with you, your beloved, and your two witnesses. Maybe you want to get married in the near future, and then you’ll save up for a big event in a year or two. Maybe you have a large, complicated family and the best arrangement for you is to start with a barbecue in Vancouver with part of the family there, then nip over to Winnipeg, then Sarnia to see other clusters of family and friends, then you drive to Attawapiskat for another party, and off to Goose Bay for another, before you return to Toronto to make it legal. Maybe you have an appointment with a Latvian Immigration Officer in a month, and you want to be able to show you are married. You can have a potluck, fully catered, finger-food or let’s order pizza. The question of what you want your ceremony and celebrations to look and feel like is important, and I will address that in another posting. For now though, I want to look at that first question: when. The when is important, because you will need to get a marriage licence to be legally married in Ontario. The marriage licence is the primary document of your change in status from unmarried to married. The Marriage Licence – and the attached Record of Solemnisation – which must REMAIN ATTACHED until detached by the officiant – will be the focus of the signing you and your witnesses will do as one of the steps in being married. In Ontario, the only place you can get a marriage licence is in a Municipal Office – a City, or Town Hall, or the Municipal office of, well, of your municipality. And the reason this is relevant to the when, is that the licence is only valid for 90 days after it’s issued. So it’s important to know when you want to be married. And don’t get the licence before you know that detail, or you may find that, however amazing your dress is, or how much you spent on your spats, your marriage is not legal. So here are a few tips I’ve put together for you on getting your licence and how it fits into your ceremony. Where do I get a marriage licence? The City Hall, Town Hall, or Municipal Hall nearest you. What if I live in Andover, but I work in Toronto? You can get your licence at the City Hall in Toronto. The important thing is that you need to get the licence in the province in which you will be married. The location will be noted, but it is a detail that becomes relevant for the officiant to enter at the time of marriage. How long does it take to get a marriage licence? It takes about 20 minutes to process a licence, if you have all the documents you need at the time, and if you don’t go at lunchtime, when everyone else in the city planned to get theirs. Budget 30 minutes, or 90 if you go at lunch time. What documents do I need to get a marriage licence? You need to bring Government issued ID: Passport, diver's licence, etc., proof of address, the full names and places of birth for you, your partner, and both sets of parents, regardless of nationality or whether they are still living. (To clarify: your spouse-to-be needs to be living, but not all parents are so restricted.) If you, or your finacé(e) were married previously, you must bring documentary proof of that marriage was dissolved (i.e., the ‘decree (or ‘judgement’) absolute’). Do we need to know exactly when we will get married when we get the licence? It’s a good idea to have a date for the ceremony, as it needs to be put on the licence. There’s that 90 day expiry of the licence, remember? If it is a day or two off from what is on the licence when it was issued, it is ok, but if your ceremony or signing is past that 90 days as of issuance of the document, you will have to have another licence issued. That is expensive, and really, why would you want that? What if we have a date, and then there is a pandemic announced by the WHO, and no one is allowed to gather in groups larger than two? Then you don’t need to be embarrassed when you need to have your licence re-issued, as there will be lots of other people who are in the same situation. But 90 days is 3 months to the day. No way around that, I’m afraid. How much does it cost to get a marriage licence? It depends on the Municipality, but they are about $160 in many cities and towns in Ontario. The licences in Toronto are a shade less, but things do change. Can we email the City for a marriage licence? No. Applications must be made in person. And while it is not necessary for both you and your fiancé(e) to be there, it is kind of a nice thing if you can. What do we do with the licence once we get it? Keep it somewhere safe in the original envelope until you can get it to the officiant who will conduct your ceremony. Do not write anything anywhere on the licence until you are directed to sign it along with the Officiant's Register when you get married. Any writing on the document will likely invalidate the licence, and thereby potentially invalidating your marriage. Not worth it to test your pen by scribbling on your marriage licence or the envelope it comes in. Is the marriage licence the same thing as the marriage certificate? No, they are two very different documents. The marriage licence is a document issued by the municipality, on behalf of the the Province to attest to your intent and your legal right to marry under the Marriage Act and other relevant legislation, based on the information provided by you to the issuing officer of the municipality. Unless you get married by banns (whereby the clergy of your religious institution registered with the Province reads out a statement of intent to marry (the 'banns'), at set intervals for a specified period to the assembled congregation), you must have a licence. (In the case of banns being read, different documentation is required.) The marriage certificate is issued by request from the Office of the Registrar General, after the wedding and after the documents from the wedding have been processed (10 to 12 weeks after receipt). The Certificate is issued for when you need to prove that the marriage took place in the assumption of good faith. Look for a post coming soon to explain the procedure to apply for a marriage certificate. Can I get a marriage licence and then surprise him/her with it when I propose? That is so not cool. No. Please don’t do that. You are swearing an oath as to the truth of the information on the licence, and if you or your partner do not even know they are on this legal document, I cannot begin to describe they many, many ways this is wrong. Please don’t. It’s not romantic, it is fraudulent. If you have any questions you would like to add to this compendium, please let me know, and I will update the post. |
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Maureen CoyleIs passionate about people, places and the inanimate. ArchivesCategories
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